Blog | Mayhem and Moxie

March 9, 2010

I'm only kidding, Kacey, fun

Dear HGTV,

First of all, let me tell you what a huge fan I am of your channel. I recently read the press release announcing your partnership with Heather Armstrong of Dooce and your show, Design Happens.

While I am thrilled and looking forward to seeing what Mrs. Armstrong will bring to the show, I thought I’d pitch you an idea that came to me while ordering my family some takeout.

Good Enough would be focused on two modern day mothers who juggle the demands of raising children without going insane.

The Kick Ass Hosts of Good Enough

These women keep their home just tidy enough, their men happy enough, and their kids smart enough. We may not always be green, eat organic, and keep a spotless bathroom, but we get dinner on the table, our kids’ teeth brushed, and their hair washed (at least twice a week).

While I realize there is a strong market for the Martha Stewarts of the world, I know there is an even bigger market for moms (and dads) who just get by and that’s good enough.

Some possible show topics could include:

Planning A Dinner Party – Text your friends, last person to respond hosts the dinner, everyone brings something to eat. Voila! Done.

Kids’ Birthday Party – Scavenger hunt theme, no need to clean up the whole house. The first child to find your glasses, keys, flask, and latest US magazine wins a prize!

I sincerely look forward to hearing your thoughts and suggestions. While we may not draw the same numbers as the Dooce gal, I believe there is a niche audience that will surely be drawn to us.

Fondly,

Kacey

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March 8, 2010

Francesca, fun, what would Martha do?

Over the weekend, I flew out to Baltimore for a blog conference known as Bloggy Boot Camp. After the one girl in the world who I wanted to meet wasn’t able to make it to Las Vegas last October, I figured I really had no choice. If I was going to stand next to Jill in real life and smell her hair, I had to get on a plane.

Jill's Hair: Kinda like what unicorns & rainbows & spring time all together smells like.

I motivated my pregnant self out of the house and flew 14 hours in three days. I am glad that I did too. Baltimore was great. Going to blog conferences renews my faith that the on-line community is not a group of freakishly scary men who have assumed women’s identities in order to befriend one another.

To prepare myself for the trip, I re-read Mama Kat’s Blog Conference Do’s and Don’ts post beforehand. I needed a checklist; a guide to show me the path to blog conference success.

I did my best to follow Mama Kat’s advice…

-Do check your expectations at the door.
Impossible for me to accomplish. I had expectations for everyone in my life. Happily, my expectations were exceeded. The women I met over the weekend were genuine, passionate about their blogs and their personal lives, and just as entertaining in real life as they are on-line.

-Do bring your computer.
Check. Considering I have a hard time going to the bathroom without my iPhone, I came prepared. Besides, how else could I have sent out such mind-blowing tweets during the conference?

Sitting next to @thenagainphoto at #BloggyBootCamp. We have the same HP computer. Pretty sure that makes us related. 10:28 AM Mar 6th via web

When I finally meet @ScaryMommy in person, I am guessing her first tweet will be, damn, Fran is so much cuter in person than I imagined, & not, she kinda looks like a man. 1:45 PM Mar 5th via web

-Do open yourself up.
I am fairly sure that I impressed hordes of strangers with my vast knowledge of everything useless. As a public service, here are a few of my conversation starters:

“Who saw the Shear Genius episode on Bravo where the contestants had to cut both the dogs’ and their owners’ hair? I tell you, that was television programming at its finest.”
“Yeah, I know, that’s so funny. When I was in prison the first time I…”
“I get so sick and tired of all these ‘nice’ people! Honestly! Be mean or something!”"
“You’re really wonderful. I don’t care what everyone else says about you.”
“How cute are you? You remind me of my grandma.”

People aren’t likely to forget me.

{I want you to know that I found that dog clip on video for you, Kristin. You’re welcome.}

-Do introduce yourself by name AND by blog…or twitter ID
I followed this one to the hilt. While everyone else brought business cards to pass out, I felt like I needed to stand out from the crowd. Plus, since Kacey wasn’t with me, I wanted people to feel like they were getting a sense of both writers behind Mayhem & Moxie.

So, for Kacey, I made 200 of the following:

Kacey On A Stick

Granted, my kids and I had to eat a ton of Popsicles, but it was totally worth it. I pasted a picture of Kacey next to a stuffed goat on all 200 sticks. To ensure people really got a sense of who she is, I included her home, work and cell phone numbers, home address, Twitter ID, Facebook URL, personal e-mail, and an array of little known facts about my friend.

It is almost like she was there.

-Bring Mama Kat gifts.
Quasi-fail. Although I did not have anything for Mama Kat to unwrap, I am hoping that she will be completely fulfilled by my willingness to declare that I was simply in Baltimore to act as her groupie. As an added bonus, I encouraged anyone who wanted to contact me to pick up one of Mama Kat’s business cards and find a link to my blog from hers.

Giving just comes naturally to me.

-Don’t worry about how fat you are.
This one was easy. I’m pregnant. As soon as I patted my belly a bit and talked about my delivery date, people just nodded and smiled. Fat rules don’t apply to pregnant people.

I have now decided that even if I am not pregnant at future conferences, I am going to stuff a pillow under my clothes and pretend like I am. Who wants to deal with worrying about their weight?

-Do blog about your experience.
Done.

-Francesca

Want more Bloggy Boot Camp? You can find pictures from last weekend here on Flickr, see the veins popping out of my neck at midnight on Saturday night here, and meet the girl who, when faced with my utter lack of ability to navigate to the airport using a map, still managed to like me. God bless Sara.

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March 3, 2010

Francesca, keeping it in the family

I have come to a realization.

It happened just the other day.

While putting away my kids’ toys, it dawned on me that I am not the girl I used to be. Gone is the 20-something career focused girl with hopes of securing a VP title in corporate America. She’s no more. In her place is a stay-at-home mom of two (soon three) children, who spends her days swearing at Caillou, making small talk with the checker at the grocery store in the hopes that he is as desperate for adult conversation as I am, and responding to incredibly gripping questions on Twitter, such as, what is your porn name?

(By the way, in case you are wondering, I’m Pepper Hopkins.)

Later this month, I will celebrate my 35^th birthday, and it kinda shocks the hell out of me. Where did my 20’s go? What happened to the nights when I watched the clock, not to calculate how much longer my kids will be awake, but to figure out when I would be home from work and be sitting down to my first cocktail?

My life is not what it used to be….

In my 20’s, I exercised. By God, yes, I did. More specifically, I had a pair of running shoes that I used regularly. Now? I see something like Sit and Be Fit advertised on TV and think, hot damn that is for me. Is it possible to not move and still be fit? Apparently it is, but only if you are retired, physically limited, or suffer from chronic pain. Whatev. I still ordered the video. I’m pretty sure that before long I will be able to take down anyone 65 or older who wants to mess with me.

In my 20’s, I was annoyed by parents who couldn’t control their kids and make them be quiet. Couldn’t they exert some sort of influence and manage the situation properly? Now? I know better. There are meltdowns and tantrums that cannot be kept in check, only ignored. I find it works best to simply use the path of least resistance and pretend that my children belong to someone else when they act ridiculous.

In my 20’s, I never appreciated the beauty of a long shower or a closed door to the bathroom. Now? I may as well live in a nudist colony. There isn’t a man, woman, or child in my immediate vicinity who hasn’t seen me naked.

(Maybe Pepper Hopkins has a future yet.)

The other day I came to realization that I am less ambitious, fatter, less clean, more sarcastic, louder, and lazier than I used to be.

On the other hand, I am laugh more often, am more relaxed, and maybe, just maybe, am finally able to appreciate life’s little moments as they happen, rather than continually thinking about what comes next.

I will never be the girl I was in my 20’s again. She is gone for good.

However, the girl that took her place has got a few things going for her.

Scan10002

And that seems like a pretty good trade off to me.

-Francesca

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Raindrops Keep Falling On My (&*#$ing) Head!

February 23, 2010

I'm only kidding, Kacey, fun, points of joy

Friends,
As you know, I’ve been sick the past few weeks. I’ve spent my weekends indoors, wrapped in blankets, barely moving from the fetal position on the couch. Yeah…it’s serious. My husband says I’m just being dramatic. However, my doctor has finally diagnosed me with terrible case of Preciparalysis (a.k.a. – “rainy day bluesies”). It’s a [...]

I’d Like To Teach the World to Sing

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Francesca, keeping it in the family, learning the hard way

Only I probably shouldn’t.
As Kacey can testify to, I like to think that I have a gift when it comes to music. Although I can’t hold a note to save my life, I consider myself a lyricist. Kinda like the long lost twin sister to Eminem, only minus the tattoos, I live in the suburbs [...]

Where’s the App for That?

February 17, 2010

Kacey, learning the hard way, points of joy

Confession: I used to be a PC girl. I made fun of those who gave into the Apple marketing, inevitably paying twice as much as they needed to for a computer. Even after I received my first iPod, I taunted the person helping me at the “genius bar” in their store. If [...]

Cleaning Remedy

February 12, 2010

Kacey, keeping it in the family, what would Martha do?

Have you seen the show Hoarders on the A&E channel? Each episode follows two people with hoarding issues. And the word “issues” here doesn’t come close to doing it justice. Typically, it appears as if a giant scooped up their homes, inserted large quantities of dirt and old food, and then vigorously shook it upside-down [...]