Dear Ask a Dad,

My daughter is having a very difficult time saying she is sorry. Case in point, this last week she hit me.  While her father and I were asking her to say sorry she pretended she had a cough.   I’m not kidding, she is two and actually pretended to cough to weasel out of an apology. She did come around and finally said she was sorry but it wasn’t on her own terms and by no means sincere. Any advice on how to help?

Fondly,

Tired in Toronto

PS: Where have you been?

Dear Tired in Toronto,

It sounds as though your daughter has inherited a very rare and special gift – and everyone knows that gifts are attained neither by nature nor nurture. Apostreemarts is a superhero-like brand of street smarts that is just now being exhibited by some children. It is marked by an acute ability to read and manipulate people. Your child’s gift will test your wits to a degree the world has never seen. Like a Grand Master of chess, she will quickly learn to play you fifteen moves ahead. You will permit her to do things you never thought you would and she will convince you that every decision was your idea. You will age at twice the rate, and what little sleep you get will be your only respite.

Here’s the good news. Even though this modern day gift will undoubtedly help dig you an early grave, her Apostreemarts should prove to be an invaluable asset for her during the imminent post-apocalyptic society. When the global dust cloud ushers in the new ice age and radiation destroys the fertility of all soil, those who survive will need to rely upon their ability to, guess what, read and manipulate other people.

Now that’s a comforting thought worthy of a bumper sticker.

Yours truly,

Ask-A-Dad

P.S. I do apologize for not posting an Ask-A-Dad for some time. I’ve been consumed by the redecoration of my grandfather’s bomb shelter. I didn’t care for the color pallet and it was devoid of feng shui.

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